Kindness that Keeps Giving
It is a typical Tuesday here in Klaipeda. I have four classes. The first one starts at 8:30 in the morning and the last one finishes at 4 in the afternoon. When I wake up at 8 in the morning, it’s still dark outside. I eat my breakfast by the kitchen window, I watch the sunrise up and shine on the frosted white grass. I watch the bare trees around the pond, I keep thinking about where I was in previous years at this time of the year. I can’t remember exactly where, but I guess I was either getting soaked under the Jakarta rain or sweating under Jakarta heat. I was still living with my family and didn’t have the slightest idea of what it would be like to go on for months without tasting my mother’s delicious meals. Most importantly, I had no idea what the future held for me and my educational prospects. I was busy with Roshan and many other activities and responsibilities that came with it. A year ago, I wasn’t sure if I could ever get out of Indonesia, I had given up on many of my dreams. But I got here at last. It wasn’t easy and it wasn’t just my hard work that got me here. It took me years of preparation and months of hopelessness and uncertainty. It took me the kindness of several strangers who didn’t realize at the time what an impact they were making in my life. To understand that, I need to tell my story from the beginning.
Four years ago, I joined Roshan without thinking much of it. I joined Roshan after my several attempts at getting into an Indonesian college led me to dead ends. Like many other young refugees stuck in Indonesia, I couldn’t attend college and hope to get a degree without the right documents. On my first day in class, my lack of expectations gave my friends a false first impression of me. My classmates who later became my closest friends thought that I seemed like a completely nonchalant and relaxed person. It was good to know that my desperation and disappointment as a young person being prevented from continuing her education didn’t look so bad. It is safe to say now that both my friend’s first impression of me and my expectation or lack of expectation from Roshan was far from reality.
“Roshan brought me many things, it made my biggest dream come true as well as gave me a sense of belonging, community, and togetherness. It gave me hope that I desperately needed. At Roshan, I felt like I was needed like I was among people that cared about me and my future. ”
When I wasn’t studying myself, I was teaching English to secondary students, and when I wasn’t teaching, I was getting to know the Roshan community and making friends who became the closest people in my life. I was constantly surrounded by kindness in different languages, cultures, and nationalities and each showed every bit of it in their way.
About two years after joining Roshan, I started to study for my GED diploma. I had the same attitude towards GED as I first had towards joining Roshan except that the former brought much anxiety with it. I didn’t know how well I would do but I knew I had to give it a try. Having to learn the math and science concepts in English was a challenge. I felt like I had to start school from the beginning. But I had help and support all around me. The warm environment of Roshan and our great mentors made sure that we get the assistance we needed. It wasn’t until I took my first GED exam, Mathematics, that I accepted it as a possibility. I started to feel like this was my first step towards having control over my life and my future. I had a goal and I knew if I worked hard enough, I would achieve it. I started to feel empowered by each exam I passed. Looking back at those days brings back great memories. My favorite memories are from preparation days before the exam when we would gather at Roshan 110 building to study math or English but end up discussing science and politics. These discussions would continue on our long trips to Jakarta Intercultural School where we met our mentors once a week. The night we celebrated our graduation was one of the best nights of my life. I was filled with a sense of triumph and joy. I could see the pride in the eyes of our mentors, teachers, and the whole Roshan community. This accomplishment wasn’t just ours but it belonged to all of us, it was a success built by our community. We had passed the exams and it was now time to try our luck to get into a college.
I didn’t know how soon after GED graduation I would be able to get into college. I couldn’t dare to be too hopeful, I had to brace myself for the waves of rejections. In the beginning, things were not clear and I wasn’t sure which college to apply for. I knew one thing for sure, that I wanted to start as soon as I could and I am glad I had the encouragement and guidance to do so. Thanks to the connections we already had with LCC, It took me a few steps of filling the applications and taking the English proficiency exam to get into college. I started my first semester shortly after. It was due to the lockdown that we were able to start the first semester online because LCC is not an online university. I had to get on-campus if I hoped to continue my education uninterrupted.
The hardest part was not over yet. Our struggle with the bureaucracy was just getting started. I had none of the required documents to get out of the country. The fact that Lithuania didn’t have an embassy in Indonesia made it a whole lot more challenging. However, I had help and support all the way. Every step and attempt took me on a roller coaster of emotions. I went to the height of optimism and then to a downward spiral of disappointments. My level of energy went up and down and towards the end, I had started to create a shield of protection around myself. My mother watched my anxiety go through the rough and she tried to give me the long talk of “shod shod, nashod nashod, balai tu da pas shi.”. I couldn’t take rejections anymore. Luckily for me, all of that was temporary. I finally got my passport from the Afghan Embassy and there were only a couple more steps to follow. It took me almost a year to get all the documents ready and be able to leave Indonesia. I didn’t have to do all of it alone. Many people from Roshan either helped me directly with the process or gave me their words of encouragement. I could see that they were looking forward to this as much I did and that made me feel less alone.
The day finally came. I was on my way to the airport with four years of my life in two suitcases. I was accompanied by the warm company of the Roshan family. I went every step of the way, expecting someone or something to stop me. I still couldn’t believe that I was going to get out, but I was and I did. I entered the UAE and then Lithuania with a different feeling. I felt free, though I thought I had forgotten that feeling.
“I was a free citizen, legally entering a country with my passport. I was just a student or a tourist, someone as normal as the rest of the travelers. My identification document was no longer a refugee card that was always met with a frown. ”
This may seem like a mundane detail to many, but for us former refugees, it is something extraordinary. I knew that my life from that point on would be a little easier. I was the first refugee to get out of Indonesia through education and I could already feel the pride and sense of achievement that it brought to Roshan. It was something that we had all hoped for and it was finally accomplished. We had proven once again that if given the opportunity, refugees can accomplish great things. My goal from now on will be to make sure that I am not the last person to do so.
This is a legacy that each member of Roshan feels the need to continue. We have all heard the legendary tale of Roshan’s foundation. How it started in a small classroom with only a dozen students because two kind women realized that there are kids in need of education and community and they decided to provide what they could. Roshan is now home to hundreds, whether we are there to serve or be served. It took a small decision to start an endless chain of kindness we now call Roshan. For me, I benefited from as well as contributed to this chain of kindness. I started with English lessons and ended up in college. I taught English to young students and some of them are now preparing for their GED exams or studying through Elite Open School. For four years, I let myself be surrounded by supportive people and I made sure to pass on the kindness in every way I could. Looking back at those days, I get a nostalgic feeling.
“Roshan became my second home in a place at a time that I didn’t think I could find anything remotely close to home. I think I will forever be homesick for Roshan.”
I am coming to the end of my story, it’s a cloudy Thursday now and the cold weather is nothing like the one in Jakarta. But today, I have been remembering some great memories and that is enough to keep me warm for a while.